The RECORDER- possibly the worst instrument EVER

Do you remember the hideous recorder in school? Did you ever think you were good at playing it? Did it EVER sound "pretty" or even TOLERABLE?

Grace is playing the recorder this year. I'm trying to be encouraging, but today may have just pushed that to the limit. She decided to "practice" the recorder while we were on our way to school. It was a very long 15 minute drive and I'm shocked I didn't get in an accident, or have my ears start bleeding.
About halfway there, Grant had had it with the recorder. ( up to this point he was quiet for once). All of sudden, he said, "Grace, I want you to stop playing your recorder and put it away NOW!".
Which of course started a discussion about how Grace really needed to practice blah blah blah.
I tried to be nice and let her do her song one more time and then I was HOPING we'd be done.

She of course tried to drag it out...
"Mom, why doesn't this recorder sound right?" I then answered with a tirade involving the TRUTH....

" Grace, how expensive do you think that recorder is in comparison to your violin? Not much. Probably around $5. That is because many children do not have outside music lessons and the recorder is a cheap way for them to learn to read some music. Do you think a $5 instrument is going to sound nice? Probably not. So, no matter what you do, the recorder is going to sound just like you've been playing it. Its probably not going to sound better, because its a cheap piece of plastic. Its just there to teach you to read music".

Grace: Actually not offended by my somewhat harsh explanation.... says that her teacher plays the recorder beautifully ( is she mistaking a recorder for a flute? because I don't think that's possible)

I then said that I was making a rule that you can't play musical instruments in the car.
( "I wouldn't let you practice your violin in the car")

It was the only way to get her to stop and at this point Grant was flipping out and I had turned up the Christmas music very loud to try to drown out the recorder.. not even O Holy Night by Barbara Streisand was a match for the squeak of the recorder...

Evidently... there was an OWL

Grant is in Kindergarten, and they are putting on a Christmas program at school. AND he has the part of the OWL. Did you know there was an OWL in the Christmas story?... I guess there could have been, its just not really cited anywhere. I'm thinking its a stretch because it would look funny to have 15 shepherds standing around the manger.

I got lucky when Grace was in Kindergarten, she was a shepherd. That involved absolutely NO SEWING. Just draping and cording.. which I'm really good at. Since then, the choir director has changed and it seems more parts have been added to the Christmas program.

How do you make an OWL costume? I've wondered this for several weeks. I've done nothing until tonight.. costume is due on Wednesday. Better late than never.
Here is where I'm at so far-
(1) I absolutely CANNOT SEW! Definitely no machine sewing, very minimal skills with hand sewing.
(2) He could wear a brown shirt and pants. This will at least form a "foundation" for the costume

(3) I thought about covering some wings with feathers, but I would run the risk of turning him into a MOTH.. so I've scratched that.

(4) I was in New Orleans in November. I picked up some cool feather masks for the kids. The mask is totally cool and could morph into an "owl" face. However, Grant has refused to wear it. We have been trying to talk him into it... still working on it.. may take massive bribery. It will totally make the costume ( and validate my skills as a mother with some inch of creativity)

(5) Went to the fabric store tonight- spent an obscene amount on costume parts... well atleast for someone who doesn't sew. I will now get out the scissors and hot glue gun- because those are the tools I have at my disposal. Luckily I found some sheer fabric with a feather looking print. I'm now going to turn that into a cape ( remember we can't do the wings for fear of moths)

Oh, and I did buy a piece of fake fur-( It just seemed to add to the sheer fabric and trim I bought.) Ryan tells me that in no way do OWLS have fur- so I can't add that to the costume. Probably good I didn't try to add the gold feather boa into the mix.

I did ask if there was anyway someone at the fabric counter would be willing to sit at one of the demo sewing machines and just sew the hem of the cape- I got no takers unfortunately, even when I promised to pay extra. I think it would be a GREAT service for people like me. The clerk just said, "Well, I guess all I can tell you is... Good Luck on this". I guess she realized how far of a stretch this project is for me. Still no offer to sew... or she just didn't catch my vision.

I'll post pictures. This should be good. I remember when Grace got the shepherd assignment in Kindergarten I felt sorry for the moms who had to make lambs or baby cows- I guess karma has just bit me in the butt.... with an OWL.

I've been expelled.. due to lack of skill

We have been ill at our house. Ryan, Grant and I have been in various stages of fevers, chills, coughs etc. Grace somehow has escaped.
Today Grant and I are home and he has been begging all day to play his favorite game of all time- LEGO STAR WARS WII. I'm psycho about violence, and this is relatively innocuous.
I'm probably not the most talented Wii player, I'll admit that. Spatial relationships are not my forte'. But, today I thought I was being the good mom and told Grant I'd play the Wii game with him. Well, that didn't last. About 5 minutes into the game, when I kept flying my ship into the "enemy" ship, he was complaining that I "died" or "crashed" again. I did manage to crash about a dozen times in a very short 3 minute period. I'll give him that. I also kept saying "I don't understand what we're supposed to be doing here" ( Mainly because I'm not a Star Wars freak and I really can't tell the difference between the good and bad people -- or ships).
He then very calmly reached over and touched the button to bring up the menu on my controller. One of the options was "drop out". Now, this child is not fully reading yet, but somehow he knows "drop out". He then calmly pushed it - WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO ME- and I was dropped from the game- just like that. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

The Middle Finger

There has been much discussion at our house about the middle finger. Grant was innocently using his middle finger for something and Grace noticed and flipped out. She ran screaming from the room like her eyes were going to burn out of her head if she looked.
We then had a long discussion about using your middle finger. Grace thought that the world was going to end basically if someone used their middle finger. We had a long discussion about INTENT! I think we're all getting the message now. Grace has come back to Earth... however, Grant has figured that he might have some leverage.
He has asked me again about using his middle finger ( I again explained intent). Today he also asked if it was bad to use your MIDDLE TOE. ( Good luck with that one buddy!)

Then, last night, he didn't want to say his prayer at night and he told Ryan he would show him his middle finger if he didn't do it for him. ( How did he NOT get the message)

Meanwhile, our rule based child ( Grace) would NEVER DREAM of using her finger. AND... the other child seems obsessed with the idea...
How long before the principal's office?

Its been too long

I know its been a LONG time. April seems like it was years ago. I can explain I think. During that time the kids were cast in the local high school play of "Suessical" and it was a very BUSY time. And then, I don't know what has happened.
There is much to tell and catch up on- as a very small preview ( more for my memory of what pics and notes I need to add than yours)

- In June, we went to Bend Oregon so Ryan and the kids could do the kids triathalon and half ironman there. Ryan did really well and the kids also loved their version-
However, Grant does not like making congratulatory signs for dad- Picture it as I'm with the kids and we need to leave to get to the finish line- Grace has drawn an elaborate sign with pictures etc. Grant is crying that he doesn't want to do this. ( I really have no idea why)

- In July, Grace was baptized on July 2nd. We had a LOT of family in town. It was a busy but fun time.

- We recovered in time to leave for a trip to see my family in Boise and then on to SLC. While there we did the obligatory trip to Lagoon- ( which I don't mind) We also went to a rodeo- which the kids loved and we don't get to see everyday.

- In August we went to the beach with my sister and her family. We had a great time... but I need to check the rental contract next time regarding pets....

- Later in August we went to Everett, WA and Lake Stevens for Ryan to do another half ironman competition. It was beautiful. However, the sign issue came up again with Grant. It also seems that as we're waiting along the route for Ryan that Grant has to go to the bathroom... I made him wait this time around.

- At the end of August I started my worldwide tour with the Dept of Defense. I was hired to do a 3 day training for SLPs ( speech-language pathologists) worldwide with another SLP. So at the end of August, we went to Atlanta ( well, really Peachtree City), Georgia to do our first training. We stayed at a great place and I got to see my in-laws that live in GA.

- In the beginning of September we ALL went to Tokyo, Japan for the next training. We extended our trip and it was a once in a lifetime experience ( that we could have never afforded otherwise) The family stayed for 10 days and then returned home to Oregon. I flew directly on to Germany to do the last training. I had a great time in Europe and connected with some great friends ( whom I called in favors with- thanks Lisa and Marnie).

- My sense of time was completely warped by the time I returned home. It took a few days to recover. But, I didn't have time for that! Ryan and the kids and I ran in the Portland Marathon again the following weekend. NO, I didn't run the marathon. The kids and I did the 3 mile kids run again this year. Ryan ran the marathon with his best time yet.
Grant said he'd go this time if he didnt' have to make signs. ( we may just get some made :-)

- I just had my first weekend home in 5 weeks and we're sick here. I guess it has to catch up sometime.

When I grow up

Grant recently had to do a "ME" bag for preschool where he needed to bring in some of his favorite things and answer some questions about himself. He packed a blanket, stuffed animal, random toy and book.. and then it was time for the questions... he also needed to draw a picture "answering the question"

question: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Grant: A teenager!

Question: What do you like to do?
Grant: "I like to drink"
Dad: "you can't just say drink"
Grant: But Dad, I do like to drink! and my picture shows me drinking!
Dad: "Can we say you like to drink Sprite? Because it sounds funny if you just say you like to drink" , especially if you say you want to be a teenager.
Grant: But Dad, I will be a teenager someday.

Another funny thing about Grant is that he is completely terrified of mosquitos! He saw one or maybe it was a mosquito eater in the bathroom one night before his bath and he was completely obsessed. He would not go in that bathroom alone for the longest time. We tried to explain that mosquito eaters were good and wouldn't "suck your blood". Luckily we convinced him of this over the Winter- but he swears he saw a mosquito again the other day and its all coming back. If he needs to go in the bathroom upstairs he wants you to go with him and check for mosquitos first.

Martha Stewart are you for real?

I'm now adding another item to my useless guilt list.. this blog. All I can say is that my life has been taken over by a High School play of Seussical. - Both the kids are in it, and we've been practicing FOR YEARS! Not really, but since February for sure. It just feels like YEARS. We were at twice a week for 3 hours, and now we're at Hell week. I think it really might be Hell for the high school students- they are probably still there at midnight tonight- we left at 9pm. We had practice last week for 4 days, and now we have it each night this week. Our first production is on Thursday for the schools.
Grant did OK tonight. He gets away with a lot because everyone thinks he is sooo cute. You can bet he completely manipulates that! He was antsy and wasn't holding still so I yanked him off stage a few times. Overall, he did OK. I'm now bribing him with tickets and Legos- nothing new. Grace asked if she needed to earn tickets- I said "no, just do what you are doing, and you'll get a prize too".

Grant wanted to go to the store tonight at 9pm to pick out his prize. Obviously he doesn't have the time concept down because I said at the end of the play.. He also needed a "ticket" before bed, so I whipped out a post it note and wrote on it. Don't ever say I'm not creative.

But, I digress, now on to Martha. She's on Jay Leno tonight. Did you know she's been hit by lighting 3 times? What I really started to rant about is I feel like my life is busy, and then you hear her going off about her chickens, changing her bed linens etc. And I just want to say, "could you also disclose that when you say "We raise chickens" you mean YOU Martha and your team of 50?" Because that would make all of us feel a bit more useful. Not that I need Martha to validate me.. its just that I think she really needs to tell the truth. Now she and Jay are painting leaves. Dont' say I'm a "Martha" I hate crafts. I'd rather run a mile than do a page of scrapbooking.

Crafts kind of make me laugh. I'm remembering all the youth church projects from my younger days. Remember when stenciling came along for the first time? I remember stenciling a generic Christmas scene with a simple tree, star and hear on a piece of fabric which then went into an embroidery hoop - Oh, but wait! Don't forget to get out your hot glue gun and glue lace around the edge of the hoop- and now you are complete.

I think the adhesive wall sayings are the stencils of our day. Before I mock anyone, I have to admit I do have 1 of these in my kitchen. But only 1. Its hard not to get carried away, I could put a bunch of sayings all over the house, like " Answer me NOW!", " Stop hitting each other" and " You've just lost _____ ( whatever the weekly threat is)". However, these are not what is intended by the lovely sayings of "Simplify" and " Home is where your heart is". So, I'm not completely in with the latest, but that is nothing new.

I discussed with my hairdresser today how much I love Garbage Day. She does too. She feels exactly the same way! I do love it. It is really cathartic! I love just clearning out the fridge, and getting rid of trash, recycling and anything else I can get rid of. I'm even more thrilled because I ordered a dumpster last weekend and got rid of the closet wood that was in the garage along with a bunch of other stuff. Ryan is out of town ( read between the lines here). The kids and I also went to Goodwill. Another thing I love- getting rid of stuff.
My Grandmother Heiner was obsessed about her garbage- but for a different reason. She did NOT like to get rid of stuff. But more than that, she had a HUGE can- bigger than my yard debris can, and when you'd visit she was sooo worried that you're one dirty diaper was going to fill up her GIGANTIC garbage can. She lived alone and was soo worried about garbage, that believe me, it never filled up. Also, if you were throwing away something that might smell, you'd have to double bag it. In case it made her garbage stick. We'd seriously have to sneak our garbage in. My mom is also kind of obsessed with garbage. Not quite like grandma, but she does this "consolidation trash" thing. She saves a larger container like a milk carton or a cottage cheese tub, and then she fillls it with smaller garbage. This builds up,not for days luckily, but it does accumulate on the counter during the day. Now there is a new dimesion- my parents have a compost pile, so now there is a whole separation of what can go in her recyling pile, trash and her compost pile. Its a little out of hand. I think it runs in the family. My sister is trying to break the cycle. She doesn't even shred her mail.

This style of osmosis thinking/blogging is really how I think and want to write sometimes. I've tried to be more focused in my posts here, but tonight I decided I needed to let you know how I felt about just a few things....

Camping- its like being stuck in the bathroom all weekend with your family

Yeah, I know, my attitude sucks a little. But, I will tell you a bit about our latest camping adventure. By "latest" I don't mean that we go camping a lot, or that we do that very often ( thank goodness!), but just that we've been camping lately.

So, there were a few factors that pushed me over the edge to set this up:

Our great neighbors have a "camper" or "trailer" . Its a small one with pop out sides for sleeping and a hard top center with a HEATER and electricity. Sounds lovely doesn't it? It wasn't their fault.

We had planned to go to the CLOSEST camping site. There is a new state park near Vernonia- a mere 20 miles from home. PERFECT if we forget something.

Thursday was a nice day, clear skies, looked great. We pulled in and discovered that we forgot a few things- PB & J, Ryan's running shoes, Flashlights. So Ryan set up camp while I drove home the 20 miles and made it back in no time.
The campsite is beautiful- lots of trees- just not near the campsites. They've cleared out the sites completely of trees and put down gravel- so there is no privacy. The kids loved it because we could see them from our site to the playground and there was a nice loop for them to ride bikes. Not bad. Friday morning started OK- but we did know that the rain was coming. So we head out to explore while its dry and find some trails- there are lots there, some for people, some for horses. My family chose the HORSE trails. Guess what comes with HORSE Trails? Horse droppings, and horse hooves digging up the trail to make it even MORE muddy! The picture illlustrates just a bit of the screaming inside my head. I hate to be muddy - especially when it wasnt' completely necessary.

We make it back to the campsite and drag along the afternoon. Now its time for thinking about dinner. The only problem is that the wood we have will honestly not light no matter what we do. We need a fire to cook our foil dinners. So, I proposed that we would go to Camp 18 for dinner. Its a place I've been dying to visit on the way to Seaside. Big lodge type restaurant. The food was great, the kids had ribs and it was lovely.
Then we headed back. It was raining pretty hard now. Our sleeping bags were not warm enough, even with the heater. It was cold and wet. Ryan went running in the morning along the lovely trails. The kids and I played video games, I read and we tried to keep warm in the space the size of my bathroom. When Ryan returned we said we were cold and really wanted to go home and could we just pack up! We were leaving that day anyway. Ryan took a cold shower and we packed up in the pouring rain. We left behind all the people who stayed in their giant motorhomes, 5th wheel trailers with flatscreens ( Why bother?).
When we asked the kids what their favorite part was - they said eating at Camp 18. They don't really get it I think... or maybe they do! I can do it if I have to.. but why when you don't have to. We also decided camping might just be about going with other people. I think that makes it more enjoyable as well.

Do you hear that music?

This rates up there pretty close to the skirt story in my embarrassing moments....

So, I got into DC on Thursday night, which means to fly cross country, I had to be at the PDX airport at about 4am for a 6am departure. I was worried about oversleeping so I think I left my house at 2:30am and got to the airport by 3am. Fun times waiting out in the dark for 15 minutes for the next economy bus to come by.

I get through security, and start looking around. It is time for Spring Break travel and there was some very crazy outfits or lack of clothes at the airport on 3am. I seriously saw a girl wearing what I think was a swimsuit coverup as a DRESS. It covered very very little. I also saw bikini tops, shorts, flip flops. Its Portland, it was no warmer than 50degrees the other day, let alone at 3am. So, the flight to DC was not so relaxing. It included a woman sitting in the middle seat who "spilled over" into my seat so that I was pushed towards the aisle. Thank Goodness for an aisle seat! I would of gone completely postal if I was at the window. I'm somewhat claustrophobic.
In addition to the lady in the middle, the seat in front of me was filled with 2 small children, a mom who is not really engaged in parenting, and a grandma sitting across the aisle from her. The child, who I think was 2-3 years old did a whole lot of screaming, jumping, and yelling back and forth between grandma and mom. I put on my noise canceling headphones not to get some sleep persay, but just to cut some of the noise.
So, when I finally got to DC, I really had not slept much on the plane ( which is my usual plan). I got to my room and was excited that I had some time to take a quick nap. I laid down on the bed, and then... I heard some low music, but very clearly, I could hear an ABBA song, then an Air Supply song, and then some other song I recognized.
I was so mad, I thought, "Is the stupid hotel now pumping music into people's rooms?". I opened my room door to see if I could hear music in the hallway. Then, I called down to the front desk to see if they played music in the hallways or in the lobby and did they recently play an "ABBA" song? The lady insisted this is not the case. She suggested that someone come up to check it out.
In the meantime, I unplugged the alarm clock and still kept hearing the low music near the vent, so I was sure a neighboring room was playing music! AAAGH!
I called the desk again to tell them that I really wanted a room change, I couldn't get the music to stop. Then, the room service arrived and I insisted the person come to the vent to see if he could hear the "music". Unfortunately, during this time, the music was not playing so he did not hear the music. I assured him that I was hearing music and that I've heard atleast 5 songs.
Next, the engineer was sent up to my room. Luckily, he did actually hear the music coming near the vent. However, he was really unsure how the music could come through the vent. Then, he said he heard the music near the vent, but coming out of my bag. I openened the bag to find that my headphones were still plugged into my IPOD and it was now blaring a Celine Dion song. So, I was hearing music, it just wasn't from some mysterious vent explanation.
I said, this is so embarrassing, I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll have a good laugh over this. I'm not losing my mind, I'm just crazy.

You mean Mom is famous!

I don't know if I can explain this to do it justice, but it was so funny, I had to attempt it.

Last week during dinner we were having a conversation and I think the conversation turned to what I do at work. The kids are very interested in how I work with kids or where I work with kids etc. So, the conversation continued, I tried to explain that I'm not a teacher, and how I do therapy with kids... And then, Ryan made some comment about how I knew people in different parts of the state, possibly related to some recent presentations in the Southern part of Oregon, and all of a sudden Grace exclaimed, "Do you mean that Mom is FAMOUS?!". I was already busting up, so Ryan did answer and explain that its important to do good work because people get to know you, and Grace was saying "Wow". I'm sure she's thinking its Famous like on the Hannah Montana scale. I'm letting is slide, it may buy me some good behavior.

Today, on the phone she asked if I was able to meet with the President. I'm hoping she was joking. I am in DC for the weekend for a national meeting, which did include lobbying on Friday. I think that may be from me explainig what lobbying is.... again, her expectations are pretty high!

The Power of Prayer

Of course its a good thing that our kids believe in the power of prayer. However, we may have to rein it in. Lately, we've seen the following examples...

(1) We are going camping for 2 nights over Spring Break. Before you get excited that I've gone back to my roots- let me clarify that we're borrowing our neighbor's hardtop camper that has a heater, electricity and shelter! Its going to be great. Especially if there is a possibility of rain. The kids are excited. So excited in fact, that Grant has been praying on a regular basis for the following:
"please bless that we can eat good food while we go camping"
"please bless that we can eat a lot of marshmellows when we go camping"

For some reason, my kids will do almost anything for marshmellows. I'm not sure what that is about, but I've taken full use of that fact and they only get marshmellows when we go camping or we're at the beach. So, the magic continues.

(2) Then, Grant's teacher at church let us know he offered the following prayer last week:
He said "Please help us to stay close to our parents at the zoo, bless our dinner to be good today, and asked if all the kids in the class could spend the night at his house during spring break!"

Obviously, the kid believes in miracles. I have no explanation for his obsession with sleep overs.

And, for the record, we've never lost him at the zoo. I have no idea where that comes from either, we haven't been to the zoo since last Fall.

Obviously,we'd dropped off the Earth

I'm not exactly sure what has happened in detail since my last post, but I have some ideas. To catch up, here are some details:

1. The kids have been cast in the local High School play, "Suessical". Originally, they were to sing 1-2 songs and be a group of cute little who kids. Sounds great right? That has DRASTICALLY morphed into a much more intense committment. I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, its just not what we originally tried out for, so we've had to make some major adjustments. The kids have practice for about 5 hours per week, which includes vocal singing ( of a lot more than 2 songs) and a day of dancing. They have now been cast in most of the scenes of the play. This is all good, its just an adjustment. There are about 10-12 "little kids" in the play and the director and the HS kids have liked them so much they are being asked to be much more involved.

Grace is now in the jungle scene, she is a jungle animal now. I think she is not a "who" but that is not completely clear. She will also be in the circus scene, but we're not there yet either.

Grant.... lots to say here. The tryouts were supposed to be for school age kids, I brought him along to the tryouts with a half hearted belief that he'd be able to try out. OF COURSE they wanted him to try out, which consisted of getting up in front of an audience and telling about himself as then to sing the ABCs. He of course did fabulously. So, thats how we got here. He has remained a Who- but he is also now cast in the soldier scene and a bunch of other stuff. Considering the intensity, he really is doing pretty well.
During one of the first days of the dancing, I had to counsel the HS kids assigned to work with Grant to not allow him to hug and kiss everyone! I had to pull him off the stage at one point because I looked up to see him grabbing the high school girl next to him around the legs to ask for a hug! He didnt' even know her! This is a nightmare for a Speech Pathologist, I mean HELLO I teach kids about social boundaries and expectations!
So, from that point on, I told them to help me enforce this, and that he can only do High 5's. That has gone well from now for the most part.

Its all a good experienc right? I keep telling myself this. The play runs the last weekend of April and the first weekend in May. We aren't even to the horrid week ( there are other words I'm learning from others)- which is the week prior to the play.

Hmm, I'm thinking of what else.
Its starting to be Spring, and we've ordered a greenhouse, which hasn't arrived, and now its getting warmer. I'm wondering if we should't just plop the seeds in the ground. We're trying to grow a few more things this year and figure out how to maximize our sun exposure.

Ryan has started to make his ( and our) own yogurt. Suprisingly, its really easy, and I have Kira to thank for that. So now, that is the norm in our house. I don't eat milk products, but the 3 of them seem to like it OK with the addition of jam or fruit?

I have some other things, but they'd be better in a separate post...