Doggy Wipes

This is a 2 part hilarious story about Grant. Grant has well, a sort of tender bottom. He is deathly afraid of being wiped "too hard". He lectures you on the procedure at each occurance. As we were getting into potty training, I purchased these flushable wipes in order to make him not so afraid of the whole procedure ( another drama queen child). Usually, these come in bulk and are loaded into the container without him seeing them. Another fact that you must know, is that probably because Ryan dislikes doing this duty, he has made himself incompetent in Grant's eyes. It doesnt' help that Ryan asks him each time needed who he wants to "wipe him" and I always get picked.. this is not the popularity contest I would like to win ( maybe best tan, nicest figure, youngest looking ). One day, Grant happened to see Ryan pull the wipe from the Cottonelle package with the dog pictured on it. Clearly he doesn't see the point of advertising, because he FLIPPED OUT. He started screaming that Ryan should not use "doggy wipes" on his botton, and that those are "not for people Dad!". It was hilarious, and further pushed Ryan down the incompetent line. Grant is still confused on why there is a dog on the package, even though I've explanined that the dog is "soft".
Well, the other day, it was time to do this task again, and I was not available ( plus Ryan needs to do equal labor here). Evidently, the conversation went like this:

Grant: Dad, I need someone to wipe me.
Ryan: Ok,
Grant: Where is mom? ( looking for an escape I'm sure)
Ryan: Mom, is busy, I'll do it
Grant: "Dad, if you don't do it soft, you can't have a piece of my birthday cake" ( keep in mind, his birthday is May 5th, but for a 4 year-old, evidently his birthday cake is a token of power)
Ryan: OK, I'll be soft
afterwards..
Grant: "Good job Dad! ( he says this like you're a complete idiot- and you've done this correctly for the first time) "You get to have a piece of birthday cake now! "